How to Get Over a Break-up

10
Mar
Nick

My girlfriend dumped me last week. Ouch. Now I need to figure out how to get over it.

Here’s my approach, based on what I’ve found on the net and some of my own thoughts:

  • Remember: It’s a natural part of human life
    Breaking up and feeling terrible afterwards is nothing unusual. Billions of people have had this experience before, and it’s one of the most common causes of emotional pain. So remember two things: (1) you are not alone and (2) breaking up is a natural part of human life.
  • Remember: Time heals all wounds
    No matter how bad you feel now, it will go away eventually. While knowing this may not reduce the pain directly, it may give you strength during the “shitty phase.”  

  • Do something good for yourself
    You’ve taken a punch, and now it’s time to take care of yourself. Do something you want to do: watch a movie, read a good book, exercise (!), start a new hobby, buy the cool gadget you’ve always wanted, etc.

  • Spend time with family or friends 
    Part of your “relationship life” took a hit. The solution? Take care of your other relationships. Spend time with family or friends and plan enjoyable activities with them ahead of time (especially on weekends). 

  • Let yourself grieve, but not for too long
    It’s okay to feel sad. Cry, sob, and lick your wounds. However, after a couple of weeks or so, pull yourself together. Look to the future; don’t cling to the past.

  • Make a clean break
    After the grieving period, don’t think about your ex. Remove things from the house if they remind you of him or her. Erase your ex’s telephone number from your mobile phone and delete all emails. It’s over, and it’s time to move on.

  • Think: Better now than later
    Imagine what might have happened if you didn’t break up, but instead had got married, had kids, and then discovered things wouldn’t work out. What a mess that would have been. It’s better to set switch lanes now, even though it hurts. 

  • Learn from the experience
    What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger.” This saying has proven to be entirely true for me. Gathering new experiences is crucial for personal growth, although the process may not always be pleasant. 

  • Don’t start dating again too soon
    As mentioned above, allow yourself some time for grieving. Don’t starting dating immediately after the break-up, or you’ll risk trying to replace your former boy- or girlfriend with someone else. This rarely works and it will make your new partner unhappy. Take your time, and you will be dating again soon enough. 

  • Don’t blame the break-up for everything
    Sometimes we tend to channel our negative feelings in one direction, making them even more painful. A break-up provides a tempting invitation to do this, but don’t. If you feel bad, the break-up may not be the only reason. Make a plan for how to tackle the other areas you need to work on (e.g., identify your purpose in life, find a fulfilling job, etc.). 

  • Write about it 
    Putting your thoughts down on paper can help. I’ve followed the recommendation to write a letter to my ex, but not send it. This gave me a lot of relief. I’ve also decided to blog about it – let’s see if it helps.  😉

  • View the break-up as a new beginning
    A break-up allows you to take a fresh look at your life and to kick habits that previously held you back. It’s a new beginning, with great opportunities and new loving relationships waiting you!

Have I forgotten anything?

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